Ladies, listen up. This is real stuff if you’re new to online and social dating. It can all seem a bit confusing, overwhelming and down right frustrating! See what some men have to say about texting and WHEN TO STOP.
“A man friend of mine who is a seasoned, successful online dater was kind enough to share a wealth of info he’s collected from his two-year online dating experience. “
“Sometimes after several exchanges, I stop texting or emailing with the woman because the energy has left,” T. J. (initials only) revealed to me recently. “Or because I was talking to a few women casually and then one grabbed my attention enough that I wanted to focus on her–and stop talking to the rest.”
T. J. explained that even great texts are limited because the conversation “still has that cyber quality. You want to pay attention to the exact words the person uses, how they talk, because that’s how you transcend the cyber-ness,” he said. Cyber connections he rates low on the totem pole of communication leading to romance. “It’s a low quality connection because you can’t see the person or hear their voice,” he said.
He said it takes effort to read between the lines, so to speak, to see if this is a person you want to meet face to face. “You have to look for subtleties that keep you interested,” he said.
T.J. also allowed that men and women “lie a lot” on line. “You have to meet face to face for the relationship to go anywhere,” he said. “I like to get to that part pretty fast.”
He gave some tips on how long or erudite introductory texts and emails need to be.
“They should be short,” T.J. said. “A few lines at a time. Unless you’re trying to explain something, and then the text can be longer.”
If you’re writing an actual email, however, he said to use spell check.
When does texting become intrusive? How much is too much?
“There have definitely been women I’ve had to block,” T.J. said. “Texting four, five times a day. Almost immediately they start asking about my past relationships. Am I involved with someone else.” He said he had one woman stalk him to the point where she stole his screen name as her name and “adopted” all his likes and dislikes. That was scary, he said.