You’ve got questions? He’s got answers! Need advice?
Send your questions to Terrance: firstname.lastname@example.org
Dear Gay Best Friend,
Well me and my high school sweet heart, Dru, have been broken up for about 5 months now. Our relationship was going so great then all of a sudden it just turned to -ish. We were spending a lot of time together, like a lot. Only because he works hella hours and we never really saw him much, even though he lived 10 minutes away.
Well his mom had to have a surgery that would require him to “take care of her” day in and day out, but he works from 1pm til 10pm. We started arguing a lot then because we weren’t seeing him AT ALL anymore. I mean no phone conversations or emails, just nothing at all! When I did call him to see what was up he was always too busy to talk or had to call me back. He never calls back, ever. I tell him “If you don’t call like you care or start to spending any time with us, then I am going to leave you!” He goes on about why am I always making him out to be a bad person or that he ain’t out there cheating. Keep in mind thoe he has left us already for 3 different women. When I say us I mean his son and I.
Anyways I guess he eventually got tired of me “nagging” him, and he left. I hacked his FB to see what was really going on and low an behold he has a GF! I was soooo angry. I was angry that he lied. Angry that he can never be a man and tell me when he f***s me over and over again. I always have to find out from his jump offs or my doctor. Found out in August that he ruined my health. He won’t tell me how long he and the new GF has been together. He won’t come and confront me face to face about anything! He rarely calls, we argue. I argue with the new GF on FB, mainly about him cause someone told her me and Dru were sleeping around. I blocked her around this time and I haven’t seen him since I don’t know when.
Well recently her and her goon guy friend started talking -ish on my FB about me and MY SON, a 2 year old. I don’t know how they did it but they did. I had had ENOUGH! I had told him before how tired I was of this girl talking -ish to me about me and my son. He laughed at me. I called his job and got him fired! I did. Like I said I had had enough. I called him and told him what was going on and he acting like he had amnesia He said he was at work and he had no idea of what was going on. Earlier that day I told him that she was sending message to me thru people I know. How, I don’t know. I didn’t even feed into the stuff from earlier at that. I told the person to tell her to mind her business and I miss her too, LOL.
Well I called Dru GOING OFF! I WAS SO DARN MAD. Like I told him, I let the junk go. I ask him where does she get off talking -ish about my son or telling me ANYTHING about my life! He says he doesn’t know because he doesn’t talk about me at all, he has no reason to. I tell him he is definitely lying. This girl can tell you about my life inside out! I swear! He kept calling my house trying to get me to talk to him and leaving messages trying to reason with me. I was ready to fight, no lie. I finally sat down and talked to him this very night, after he kept calling. He apologized for everything and told me he ALMOST CHEATED on me while we were together. He said he was sorry for not believing me when he I told him his girl likes to talk -ish about our son, he said “and to prove this to you I won’t ever talk to her again!” his words, not mine. I was in awe! After that night I ain’t heard from him since the other day when he called to argue. I laughed and hung up on his behind. Haven’t talked to him since. They are still together thoe! I was mad as heck when I found this out. Then he wants to call me and argue with me about coming to see our son. But when it’s time to step it up, HE HAS NO GAS! THAT’S WAS HIS EXCUSE FOR E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G!!! WHY HE COULD NEVER COME TO SEE US, GO TO DOCS APPOINTMENTS,..ETC
I miss him so damn much, you have no idea. I love him til death. He is the love of my life along with our son. I want to be with him. I don’t want to let us go. And if I am supposed to I don’t know how. I want to call him every minute of every day but against my better judgement, I don’t. I dream about him. I dream about us. Its like God is testing my strength and emotionally and physically. Its like some days I’m ok and I don’t worry or think about it but other days I can’t deal with it. I just have to see him or call him, but I don’t. I bitch up.
I got a job recently. He got mad at me for that. Told me I was immature.
AND I’m pregnant with our 2nd kid. He really wanted nothing to do with me after I told him that. He said it wasn’t his and that I better take care of it!, meaning getting an abortion. I think this is another reason he won’t come around. Like his worst fears will be confirmed if he does. – Still In Love
Dear Ms. Still In Love,
High school sweethearts, huh? Uhm, what high school is this because I want to send the superintendent a letter that they should shut this school down, burn it to the ground, and any students who graduated between the years of 1990 to present day need to have their diplomas rejected!
What the hell kind of grammar did you learn while you were in school? Chile, I swear the educational system in our country is shot to hell! We are going to be a third world country by the year 2015. I’m trying to tell y’all but you don’t want to listen to your Gay Best Friend. If you have a child in public schools GET THEM OUT!
And, just when I thought the ghettos and hoods in our communities were striving to be better, I get this letter from ghetto chick of the month. Chile, I need to put together a magazine called Ghetto Chicks, and on the covers I would have pictures of various ghetto and hood chicks with their multi-colored hair, long ass nails painted with dollar signs or other ignorant –ish, too small clothing that don’t fit, and the ghetto poses with the booty sticking out while you’re cocking your body to the side or your hands on your hips with your lips touted. LMBAO!
Anyway, back to you, sweetie. First off, that is not your man. You have a community man. You know what a community man is? It’s a man that every woman in the community is sharing, and the disease he left you with, well, boo boo, every girl he’s been with has it too. He will drop his pants and stick his d**k in any and everything with no regard or concern about protection. That is a community man. He’s nasty, trifling, selfish, arrogant, unclean, unhealthy, and a boy!
I really don’t understand why you want him back after he’s cheated on you 3 different times, and yet, you’ve caught him again, and he’s lied to you, deceived you, played you, and publicly humiliated you. Chile, I swear some of you need a brain scan to see if you really have one. You can’t be dumb, stupid, and naïve!
I surely hope that you don’t think what you’re going through is love because if it is then I blame your momma and your aunties because I am certain they went through the same thing with the men in their lives, and you are only repeating a vicious cycle that you saw and feel is okay.
Honey, you are not in love. What you are experiencing with that BOY is not love. It is lust, drama, and a severe case of delusional psychosis (Go look it up. I’ll wait.). You are delusional to believe that he will be the man you want him to be. You are delusional to think he will stop cheating on you. You are delusional to think he will settle down and marry you, be a father to his child, and ever grow up and be a real man. Girl, you are delusional about your health status. The man gave you a disease, and you want him back? (* *) Blank stare.
And, I truly do not believe that you are playing with a full deck. You can’t be. Girl, you are pregnant again with his second child. SMDH! Two words for you: Welfare’s finest. You’re the reason why some folks don’t want to pay taxes. And, your no-good-for-nothing-dirty-d**k-man, ugh! I can’t believe you let him stick it in you and then you put it in your mouth because I know you’re just as dirty as he is. Don’t touch me. Ewww! Where are my Wet Wipes?
Then, you’re hacking into your man’s Facebook account, and arguing with a woman on Facebook about your man!?!?! You’re all a bunch of silly dumbasses. You’re a trick, he’s a trick, and she’s an even bigger trick. All I want to do right now is to come to your house and gently knock on your door, give you a hug, and then reach to the high heavens and with all my might slap the MF’ing –ish out of you.
You’re talking about you don’t know how to let him go. Well, just let him go. Stop calling him because he isn’t calling you. Stop obsessing over him because he isn’t thinking about you. Stop wondering what he’s doing and who he’s doing it with, because whatever he’s doing it ain’t sanitary, clean, or healthy. Get into you. Get into loving yourself. Get into building yourself and inspiring you. And, uhm, boo boo, God is not testing you. Please don’t bring God into this hotmess.com that you created. Not unless you’re going to Him to be removed from this situation.
Look, Ms. Still In Love, you are the epitome (go look it up) of why women have a hard time in diffusing any misnomers (again, go look it up) that they all are not like you. You, your man, and the other woman, are the very reason that when the news cameras come around they specifically seek you out because they know you’re going to be the stereotypical (look it up) wretchedness (look it up) that drives the point home of the urban decay that plagues our world. I’m sorry but you’re going to have to move on. He doesn’t want you. He doesn’t want to be with you. He’s shown you who he is. He is not a man, he is a boy. Why do you want to be with a boy? Why do you want to play these games with him? He’s not worth it. Please get some self-esteem, some self-worth, and know your value. It’s all on sale at Target. Well, in your case, the Dollar Store. Stop being the victim and allowing yourself to stoop to their level. And, that isn’t too far. Please find you some Jesus. Get on your knees and pray to be released from the stronghold of bondage that man has on you. Ask for forgiveness of yourself for acting the way you are, and forgive your community man because he doesn’t know any better, and forgive the other woman because she is a skank ass hoe –oops, sorry, but forgive her too. You’ve got to learn how to be a better woman for your children, and for yourself. And, you know what I’m going to make you the cover girl of my new magazine Ghetto Chicks. That way you can tell your story of how you came up and got yourself together. You’ll be the poster girl for the month. YAY! See, don’t you feel better already? – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend
Make sure to get your copy of my new book, STRAIGHT FROM YOUR GAY BEST FRIEND – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Work, and Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden – October 2010; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, HERE!