KMJQ Featured Video

Say you’re on a blind date. You’re sitting at the bar, in your little black dress, hair pulled into a neat side bun with the red flower you said you’d wear peaking out from behind your left ear. You feel a heavy hand on your shoulder,  so you look down from the corner of your eye and notice the fingers on the hand on your shoulder hold 5 clunky gold rings–one for each finger, long razor sharp sabor tooth tiger dirty nails and a ridiculously heavy gold watch. But wait, there’s more.

As you turn around fully you see a greasy face, perm wearing, cow hide fedora sporting, Bootsy Collins Funkadelic glasses donned, Jerome from “Martin” looking character in platform shoes and a silk wife beater. You are floored. And in your mind, the date has already ended before it even began. Okay, so maybe this isn’t your exact situation but you catch my drift, you’re on a bad date. Period. What do you do? Check out the 5 ways to kindly make your exit on that nightmare from hell:

5. Create a code red. Before even leaving to meet your date, call up one of your best girlfriends and come up with a plan. I call this plan, code red. Code red is a plan specifically devised as a safe exit out of any and every catastrophe. Here’s what you do: Call up your girl and inform her that if you call her and hang up at any point during the date, that is her cue to call you so you can walk away and act as if you absolutely have to take this call. On your way back to your table from taking “the call” amp up your urgency and politely act as if you are having a family/friend emergency and have to head out, let him know you’d love to do this again some other time and BOUNCE!-Side note: make sure your girlfriend is the last person you called so all you’ll have to do is hit send, let it ring a little and then end.

4. Suddenly get sick. Now, while this does require a tad bit of acting, it really is fairly easy to do. All you do is, excuse yourself to go to the ladies room and don’t return for about 15-20 minutes later. Return to the table with fresh beads of “sweat” on your forehead (which will really be water), when he asks if you’re okay tell him no, you’ve suddenly caught some kind of stomach virus and have to get going. Let her/him know you will call  later to reschedule after you’re feeling better and hit the road with no bridges broken.

3. Create a quick lie and exit. This is extremely simple and needs to happen the exact moment you realize he/she is not for you. The moment you realize this throw your little white lie into action. Exhibit A: “Omigosh! It’s __o’clock! I totally forgot I agreed to babysit my niece/nephew for my sister, I’m so sorry I have to go pick him up. We’ll have to do this again some other time. I’m so sorry, I’ll call you.” And that was all she wrote. Get in, get out, plan executed.

2. Turn him off. This plan involves you to get a little down and dirty, I have to warn you…you will have to do some things you most likely (hopefully) would never do in your everyday life. This plan involves you to do anything to turn him off which means if you have to gross him out, do that, if you have to lie and say you have 12 kids and 19 baby fathers (I know it doesn’t add up but again, were trying to turn him off so correct calculation isn’t exactly a factor), do that. This is a do or die situation, and it’s either kill or be killed. If he’s just that bad of a date and nothing will turn him off you may have to just come clean and tell the truth.

1. Be honest. Being honest is really simple, there’s no specific plans or codes to this one, it’s just telling the truth. Plain and simple. However, this is probably one of the most awkward ways as you possibly run the risk of being disrespect or burning a bridge or two.

To be frank, there really aren’t that many kind way to get out of a bad date. It’s a rough dating game out there and at the same time you don’t want to dismiss someone that you possibly could have a business relationship in the future with. I mean who knows what the future holds, so if you absolutely can’t politely exit a bad date, at least you know you tried.

Have you ever gone on a date from hell, if so how did you get out of it?

7 Ways To Glam Up Your Walk Of Shame

“I Asked My Man If He Ever Had Sex With A Man & He Said ‘Not Unless I Was Tricked’”

The Mis-Education Of Dating

Follow me on twitter @arieinthecity and on facebook at Ariel Crockett!