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Have you ever liked someone and stayed up late at night haunted by the thought that they’re not as emotionally invested in whatever it is the two of you have, as you are? I know I have.

There is nothing worse than feeling like the only person who is putting effort in a relationship is you. Unfortunately, people aren’t always straight forward about what they want. The best thing you can do is be honest about what you want and be attentive to what the person you’re with says and does. And if you’re wondering if he’s taking you seriously or not, here are some signs that might help you:

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1. He always dodges the DTR talk.

The DTR talk – a.k.a The Define The Relationship Talk is something many people want to avoid these days. The reality is however, “are we or aren’t we” situations is not a substitute for a real relationship if that’s what you want. Be straight up and tell him. And if he can’t give you that, well, time to move on.

2. You see him only periodically because he’s always so busy.

Oh, the tiresome and never-ending  busy excuse. Newsflash: Everyone is busy. Everyone. If President Obama can make time for Michelle, then maybe your boo can make time for you too. And I get it, some people are in more stressful occupations and jobs than others. But in the end, you make time for the things and people who matter.

3. You’re easily dissatisfied with his communication style and manner.

Whether it’s taking too long to text, not returning your calls in a respectful time period or simply a laissez-faire attitude in how he talks to you – these are all signs that you are not priority to him. This is tough because we are all inundated with so much communication all the time. But in the end, don’t you put your best foot forward when you want to communicate with the people you value? Well so does he.

4. He’s inconsistent in how he treats you.

One day he is telling you you’re the girl of his dreams and making you feel special. The next day he is cold and distant, and maybe you don’t even hear from him for a few days after that. Not only is he not serious, people who do this are just generally awful to be around. No one wants to play, “Guess my emotions today?!” And if he does, you should let him play by himself.

5. You have not met a single friend of his.

If a guy is not introducing you to his friends and you’ve been seeing each other a decent amount of time, that is a huge red flag. Whenever we’re excited about someone, we’re excited for our loved ones to meet them. Maybe not family cause that might be a huge deal but at least friends. If you haven’t met the friends in due time, it’s time to start asking some questions.

6. He can’t commit to you in little things.

He is forever canceling plans, changing dates, moving things around to suit his schedule. You like him, but it’s pretty obvious that he can’t keep his word to you and therefore you don’t trust him. Stuff happens, it’s life. But someone who you always have to reconsider whether they’re telling the truth or whether they are going to follow through on their word, is nothing more than a headache to your life in the long-run.

7. He doesn’t go the extra mile for you.

I think we can all agree that even at the very early stages of liking someone, we’re all willing to do some mildly embarrassing things to show them how much we like them. Example: Once upon a time in grad school, I went on a date with a guy till midnight despite having a long paper due the next day. (Yes, I pulled an all-nighter and my paper was done.) But the point is if someone isn’t going the extra mile for you, they don’t think you’re worth it.

8. He tells you that he doesn’t know what he wants right now.

I have been guilty of thinking that I could change people. I put it down to my youth and inexperience. I still see women who are otherwise smart, intelligent, and capable women still believe that they can miraculously change a man by senselessly giving everything to him. Or by giving everything up for him even after he’s flat-out told them or shown them he’s not 100% in the relationship. Believe people when they show you who they are!

9. You are not in his future plans.

This is the most obvious one in showing he is not serious, especially if you’ve been together a while. People who are serious about their relationship start looking towards what their futures might be like together. If he’s not doing that, you have to start re-thinking your relationship entirely.

I know it can be hard to walk away from something because dating can be difficult, even terrifying. And now that you’ve found someone, you just don’t want to throw it all away because he might become more serious about what the two of you are. He might. Or he might not. It’s up to you at the end of the day what you do in your relationship. But in the end, you have to ask, “Do I deserve this? Or do I deserve much better than this?”


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He’s Not That Into You: The Only Signs You Need To See To Prove He’s Interested  was originally published on