DAILY DILEMMA: EGG DONOR GOES COLD: “I’M NOT YOUR MOTHER!
The Daily Dilemma had cold vibes today.
Here’s the deal. A 19-year-old young lady learned she came from a donated egg. Her mama told her the truth. So the girl did what any curious kid would do. She slid in the DMs looking for answers after seemingly checking the lady out.
Here’s what she wrote:
“Hey, so I don’t mean to bother you but I think you may be my biological mom. My mom revealed this info to me and was wondering if you wanted to do a DNA test and possibly get to know me and build a relationship as your daughter. I think I look so much like you. I’ve always felt empty and disconnected from my mom and didn’t know why.”
Now hold on. That’s a sweet message. Full of hope. But the response? Ice cold.
“Hi, I’m going to be very direct with you. This is a major breach of privacy. Egg donation is a confidential, anonymous business transaction and I signed my parental rights away 19 years ago. I’m not your mother. I do not have the space or desire to build a relationship with a stranger. Please contact the clinic or agency your parents used and please do not contact me again.”
Whew. And then she posted the whole thing for the world to read. Bold move.
“The woman who carried you for nine months, that’s your mother. But the lady whose DNA you share? She’s wrong for playing this that cold.”
Look, I get it DNA-wise she’s in there. She played a part. You can’t act like you didn’t. But real talk, the mama who carried that baby for nine months and raised her, that’s her mother. Period.
The stats back the story up:
- The CDC reports over 300,000 assisted reproductive technology cycles happen in the U.S. every year.
- Donor eggs and embryos make up roughly 12 percent of all ART cycles (Assisted Reproductive Technology cycle) nationwide.
- The ASRM or American Society for Reproductive Medicine, now warns donors that social media and DNA tests have basically killed true anonymity.
So donors, listen. Those days of “sign the check and disappear” are done. Does the young lady deserve a slammed door to the face? You decide.
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