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Marriage Can Kill You: Don’t Use The Gun.

Over the weekend, I listened to a friend vent his marital frustrations: “She doesn’t Love me, We haven’t had sex in years, she wants to keep the kids, they’re all I have to live for…”

Then on today, I’m reading news on the a murder-suicide of a VH1 star at the hands of her husband, after an alleged affair.

In marriage, stakes are high.  I would go so far as to say that on earth, Holy Matrimony is the highest stake known between man. It is not a job or owning your own business which creates the most stress, wrecks the most havoc or influences our senses at the highest level. It is the investment of your life into another human being. One whom you see as being given to you by God. Someone that you hold so sacred, that the very thought of them no longer wanting you or needing you, has the ability to create such a sense of panic, disgust, distrust and despair inside of you that it can potentially cause you to lose control. In extreme cases, causing one to take control of their own life and sadly yours too.

I can not say that this is what’s in the mind of all of those who have committed murder/suicide, but I can remember my Mother once sharing a story with me of her own thoughts of suicide,  inspired by her ex-husband. He was a very loving man, yet one who was controlling. His insecurities caused him to “fist-check” her often, repeatedly. Not only was he abusive physically, but he mentally influenced her with his  threats. “He said he would kill me.” She shared with me, and I believed him. I got so tired of the beatings that I just couldn’t take it anymore.”  Many may wonder, how could a person ever consider killing themselves, or some may see it as a sign of weakness, but in actuality those who consider suicide feel as though they have no other options. And no one truly knows what’s in the mind of those who commit murder-suicide.

But what we do know is that the mind, is a terrible thing to leave idle. This was my thought as I listened to my male friend share that he’s tried repeatedly to express his feelings, loneliness and depression with his wife. “She can’t even stand to see me come home from work. As soon as I walk through the door, she looks as though she’s become sickened. Seems like my kids don’t even care. As long as I’m providing food, money and a roof over there heads, seems no one cares about my feelings, except the dog. I get the dog and we go down to the basement.” And idle mind can be toxic or it can be therapeutic. He says when his wife didn’t want to talk or listen he took to writing poems to get it out. But what disturbed me was the thoughts weighing in his mind. “I wrote a poem entitled “Why I Will Not Use The Gun”. Although the basis of his poem was to be hopeful, as it speaks about him valuing life and still having hope, the more prevalent realization is that there are so many more battling issues in there marriages, who can’t see light at the end of the tunnel and who may opt to simple, “turn the lights out”. Sometimes their own and in the case of the VH1 star, their spouses as well.


Marriage can be a beautiful thing.  It isn’t “marriage” itself that drives a person to a certain point, but it may be a certain set of circumstances. I understand that it takes hard “work” to make it work. When it gets rough, look for help.

People, please, Don’t Use The Gun! There is HOPE. Always know there’s hope for any situation.Even when you feel like there is not.  You may feel hopeless, when you feel you’re going it alone. Let someone know what you are going through. Use your knees to get down and pray for strength to make it through.Seek counseling. Whether it’s a spiritual adviser, a medical professional or family members, allow someone to hear you, before you chose to END IT, your life or the next. God Bless.