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There is no such thing as royalty in the United States. But don’t tell that to Howard Stern, the king of all media, and Oprah Winfrey, the queen of daytime television. Both pseudo-monarchs made big waves in the Search box this week. Stern announced a big new business deal and Oprah opened up about her relationships. Bow before your king and queen — it’s the Buzz Week in Review.

Howard Stern’s big deal

The king is staying put. This week, Stern announced that he will return to Sirius XM satellite radio. The shock jock and his employer announced that Stern signed a five-year contract, the terms of which were not disclosed. According to the Daily Beast, Stern will be paid around $80 million per year. That works out to around $2,008 per minute on the air. Some had wondered if the self-described “King of all Media” would leave the satellite radio company for cable TV or perhaps even, gasp, return to old school terrestrial radio. As if! Ol’ Howie is staying right where he is.

Oprah chats it up

Few people wield as much power, popularity, and wealth as Oprah Winfrey. So it was no surprise that her appearance on this week’s Barbara Walters special inspired a lot of online interest. The queen of daytime TV talked about a lot of things, but the discussions about her relationships with longtime boyfriend Stedman Graham and best friend Gayle King drew the most buzz. On Stedman, Oprah remarked that she does not know of any other man who could “have lived this life with such dignity… and still hold his own and be his own.” And for Ms. King, Oprah insisted (again) that the two are just friends, and nothing more.

Ripa’s down but not out

If Oprah is the queen of TV, then surely Kelly Ripa is quite a powerful princess. This week, interest in the perky TV host surged to tremendous highs when she appeared on the talk show with the help of crutches. The daytime diva explained that she has a fractured hip, possibly due to overexercise. Fortunately, she won’t need surgery to repair it. Instead, she’ll just require a solid 3 – 6 weeks of rest. Most people would love  that diagnosis, but Ripa, who exercises the way some people breathe (i.e. often), wasn’t too excited about the doctor’s orders. She can take some comfort in the fact that over the course of the week, more people searched on her than did Oprah and Howard. Combined.

Also buzzing this week…

• “The Tourist,” with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie, opened to dreadful reviews.

• A list of the original rules of basketball sold for over $4 million.

• Look out, Yankees. The 2011 Red Sox are loaded.