As she testified during her murder trial on Friday, Amber Guyger cried numerous times while recanting the night she shot and killed 26-year-old Botham Jean inside of his apartment.
Guyger said, “I feel like a terrible person, I feel like a piece of crap… “I wish he was the one with the gun and he killed me. I never wanted to take an innocent person’s life.”
She continued, “I hate that I have to live with this every single day of my life. I ask God for forgiveness, and I hate myself every single day.”
As Guyger sobbed hard on the stand, the Jean family remained unmoved. According to CNN, “Jean’s family was largely stoic during a day of emotional testimony. Some occasionally shook their heads and whispered among each other and their lawyers.”
As she was cross-examined, the prosecution pointed out that Guyger’s appearance in the courtroom drastically differed from her actions the night she shot and killed Jean. She was not in tears when she sat comfortably in her squad car using her phone. Prosecutors played video surveillance from that September night when Guyger was in the car while Jean’s body was wheeled past her. According to prosecutors, it was proof she only cared about herself and not Jean.
“I looked at my phone because I didn’t want to see his body,” she said in a voice that drastically differed from the one that first presented itself on the stand.
She admitted that two days after she shot and killed Jean that she went back to sexting her married partner, including talks of getting drunk and having sex with him.
Guyger said that on Sept. 6 following a long shift as a Dallas police officer, she mistook Jean’s apartment for her own. After ordering Jean not to move, she shot him twice before realizing her error. Her story was quickly met with doubt due to a number of factors: her belief that Jean’s door was ajar, the layout of Jean’s apartment vastly differed from hers and more. According to video shared by neighbors, the doors to residences at the apartment complex shut automatically, indicating to many that Guyger’s story made no sense.
During testimony, she admitted that she never said she was scared or thought Jean had a gun during her 911 call. She also admitted that Jean never charged at her on the call. She was soon fired from the Dallas Police Department after the shooting.
With the trial being streamed live, social media swiftly weighed in on Guyger’s testimony.